Inspiration

Living in blurredness and never in clarity. That's the life I had before I met Jesus. Before I made Him the Center of my life. Before I devout myself wholly to Him. Whenever I look back and see life from the way it was when I was a kid, then a striving adolescent, to my puberty, I can say I am a good child of my parents. I always do what they want. But still it left me thinking I am nothing. That I am someone with no identity.

Following Christ is much different from that, its like living the life you always wanted, being what you really are, doing what you love, knowing yourself, but definitely not thinking it is forced. God proved me that if I delight myself in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart. And so He did, He's really true to His promises. He dwell in me richly, not just financially speaking, but by giving me the best of what this world could offer, by giving me the best people, family and friends..

Sure, they were never perfect, no one does and will anyway, but I am so amazed on how God put them strategically in my life to make me a better person, a better Christian, that is looking far behind on the old me, but have no plans of going back.. I learned from it, and that's enough. All of these privilleges, are acquired only when I followed Jesus. He's alive, and He's faithful. 

How many times do I fail Him? Many times, I dont almost dare to count. How many times does He fail me? None. I proved that delay doesnt mean, God failed to come through, it means testing your patience in waiting for His right time. God's time where everything goes well according to what is planned. Time, where nothing would come my way, because I have Him, Jesus. The Best thing that ever happened to me. Knowing and growing with HIm.

 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

THE POWER OF PRAYER 

I am wonderfully amazed, I always am. On how God speak to me, on how He gives me directions, encouragement, motivation or on how He simply communicate with me that is through one of His servants, It seems as if, He's speaking directly to me, although our pastor is speaking in general.

Today's message is just what I needed, The Power of Prayer, a prayer that is answered and will get me through whatever circumstances I am facing. The message, is like God saying to me, "Child, everything's gonna be alright, cast all your cares on me. I will help you through." while stroking my head, while I'm at His feet. 

I came at church feeling so dry and empty, and I told myself "I will not get out of Your House Lord, empty handed but my heart will be full of blessings from you." And because God never fails, from the Praise, that suppose to be joyful left me crying because of its message that spoke right through my heart. When it came to the Worship part, I couldnt almost sing, coz I'm crying. Crying to God, speaking to Him, feeling His presence so near I can almost feel His embrace..

Because God is great. I believe and claiming right now, His promise. My prayer that my plans, be His plans, my will, be His will. That He make me the person He wants me to be, and where He wants me to be. I believe that nothing could come my way, coz He said to His words, "If I am with you, who can be against you?" See? That's why I praise God for everything He has given and will give in the future.

For all His plans that were all good, there's nothing more I can ask for.

This year, I also pray that I'll be more consistent with my ministry, to be more commited with it, and to be more fruitful and productive, by sharing His words, His love, to anyone I'll meet in the future. May God help me with that.

Correction

and yeah, because of the MISUNDERSTANDING i feel the need of continuing this entry, quickly, alright. 

First, I want everyone to know that what I'm finding is a character for my novel. A CHARACTER, imaginary character. Im putting myself in the situation wherein I am, the one in the novel. Im a writer, eh'?? Comments are good but hey. Listen to me first. That's why the title of the post is CHARACTERIZATION. 

Im currently, finishing a novel that was suppose to be my entry for my scholarship and CHAR I is a part of it. Im trying to describe my characters the way the narrator sees it. And Im trying to make this blog my threadmill in doing my novel and all my work. 

Again, Im making this clear. I am single. Im meeting great people and that's enough for me right now. Coz, I just proved something from guys, I cant trust them coz they dont trust me either. And the more that Im trying to make something good out of all the situation, its just getting worse, I am misunderstood.. Im really busy for now, my exam is a week away. Im still kinda worried(or not) for my math. 

And this blog is my rest. My break. My brain is bleeding. Now I dont want to talk to anybody. Not even me. Im closing my lips tightly. Im not used of explaining myself to anyone really, but now Im doing it, I dont know why. I told myself before, why would I explain myself if I know Im not doing anything wrong? Well I guess, yeah, the reality that people aren't really the same as well as their thinking, and that I need to do some explaining(bot not quite) to someone. 

I guess I'm growing. That's it. Doing things Im not used to is of course, new to me. 

I am a writer, and Im glad, people have different interpretation on my writings, the only mistake I made is that I didnt put "PROLOGUE" or "Hey, this is fiction guys, all the characters in this entry is just an imagination of the author every person who are in anyway the same with the person in this entry is just a coincidence" Oh yeah, a mistake a writer shouldn't make. 

But hey, I have a lot of entry that probably is not me in reality, they were all produced by my mind. I posted in EManila, timog,  pinoypoets, and my blogs, but I didnt get any wild reaction as that. 

A week from now is the exam that will change my life forever. Do you think I'll be messing around and waste my time chatting??? Yes, If Im not serious about my scholarship. But I am. That's why Im very busy. I have trouble with this math thing I hate it, right? and if I will not take the time to be serious with it, I'm dead. And my ym isn't even open! 

I opened it  today, anyway and "Goodmorning!" A message from someone awakened my sleepy mind. I said, what the? But then I understand why he talked that way. Because he didn't know. I hope this entry will clear this up. I said too much, and Im not gonna repeat my explaination to anyone. Im pissed too, see? Im sorry if Im not good at explaining.

I guess, I have my characters done. Although, there was suppose to be a continuation of that entry, where I'll put the rest part of my novel, of my charcter profiles. I'll do it next time.

_______________Another part of my novel__________________ 

 "Why, we had something special don't we? But then you didnt tell me about it." Said he.

"Tell you about what? Open up, if you're like that in the beginning, how are we gonna make this thing up to the end?" the girl replied.

"About why you're not talking to me in the last few days. Or week and yeah, its a month already, if I truly count it."

"You didnt know?? Im a away, Im finding myself, coz lately I think I've been driven by you, it seems like I absorbed all the experiences you had. And I dont know who I am anymore!"

"But why didnt you tell me?" he whisphered.

"Coz, I dont want to. You're getting your strength from me, and I dont want to dissapoint you. Im falling out of love with you." 

The guy stood in silence. Never wanting to utter a word, never wanting to let the girl of his dreams slip away in his hand, in his life with just a few impulsive words.  Carefully, he turned around, look at the sky, a tear fell into his eyes. He looked again with his girl, and he remembered everything they had and how she change him and brought him back to life. 

He reached for her cold, weak hand. Hold it like it was the first time he did it, and it feels the same. He embraced her, put her in his arms, closed his eyes, wishing all of these are just a dream, and it will end in the morning. Everything will be back to normal. He love her, and she loves him too.

He took her home, gave her a kiss. He saw something in her eyes, he's about to ask but then he chose not to, she needs time, she needs space, he thought. He go back home, bothered, bothered with what he saw in her eyes. It was different. That made him sleepless, and always have the urge to pick up the phone and call her.

He woke up with the phone ringing.

"Our daughter died, in her sleep. Why didnt you tell us she has a cancer and she's dying? Why!?" the girls mother said in between cries.

He, on the other side of the line couldn't speak. Open-mouth, mind blank, he couldnt think. Is this for real? Does anyone care enough to even wake me up with this nightmare? God please.

But when he got to the girl's house, it was real. She's dead. The girl of his dreams. The girls mother handed him a letter. There she said:

"Im sorry if I didnt tell you or anyone about it. Im dying and it hurts me to know Im gonna leave you with nothing. I love you so much and I hope you know that. Every chemotherapy I  gone through is just too painful, but Im thinking of you, and mom, you are my strength, thats the truth and not the other way around. I love you so much…

He couldn't continue reading as tears block his eyes completely. 

Characterization I

Alright. Play time's over. Its time to get serious on things. 

I've been chatting around for a week now, observing different kinds of people, how they act, their personality, coz I can use that in my writings in the future, and as far as I can say, in that span of time, I haven't met someone normal (except of course in my female chatmates). I mean, someone who doesn't talk about sex or anything connected with it. All the talks are garbage.

And  since, Im trying to get something for the personality of my character in my novel how can I associate them with mine? Unless I want a maniac character right? But no. And on my journey of looking out for those great personalities. Here are the nominies:

#1 The "Im all that" guy,

when people in that room found out that I am a writer, they all started to get interested in me and so is that guy, whom I'll call Knight. First he asked me what kind of poem do I write formal or freebie, I told him that any kind from formal to freebie. Someone asked, "Why knight? Are you a writer too?" 

He answered "Im a writer, actor, director" All in one.  That made him the "I'm all that" man. And so, the talking goes where he told us he played "Daniel" in a play I cant remember. (lol) but he's nice though, he told us things that has sense, and we had a very nice chat that day. Which is uncommon for a public chatroom, who are not aware that there really is a Wholesome Topic that can be fun.

He has authority in every word he speaks, and he always see to it that every word that will come out of his mouth is senseful. Everything has its basis and whatever you had in mind im sure. "He can be all that." haha..

#2 Mr Romantiko

Well he just looks like someone who just want to mess around, happy go lucky, loves drag racing, simple, According to him "my hyt is 5"8, mostly i spend my time alone, i'm quite a complicated person. outgoing, lovely, friendly, playful guy who lovvvve "dama" sports, dancing hip-hop, R&B, music and is a fun person to be with"

But no matter how playful and outgoing he is, I couldnt believe when I found out that he's actually an Asst Manager in their company, in my mind I thought (kaya pala petiks lang eh.lol) But great though. He's one of the best examples of what you see is not always what you get.

#3 Mr. Nurse

He's a funny guy, he falls in love so easily and he never thought of the result. He gave his password to someone, whom he thought his girlfriend both in the chat and in real world. Very sincere and a cry baby, but never too weak to make him less a man. A sweet person, who loves to say "I love you" everytime he has the chance to say so.  Vulnerable yet strong. 

He said in his shout out "My experiences made me stronger and tougher to face life."  A person you''ll never regret loving. He trust very easily which happens to be his weak point.

#4  The lawyer.

Hmm… He's almost me. Moody, weird, has a lot of sense of humor, thats why we jive perfectly, he can make me laugh my lungs and heart out, a Christian, we just talked once but for a straight 4 hours and Im not aware how time flies, he has the brains and the cuteness that I want.(err) And he doesnt drink alcohol, nice. Im not sure if he smokes but I know he dont.

And so with Mr. Lawyer… The end of my journey in finding true happines ended..haha.. Where did that came from? Well, Im praying…  Silently.. That somehow, I found him. 

Well see you next post.

Sexiest pose/post ever!!

 Look how sexy my foot and leg is..lol

The boldest and sexiest pose my foot could ever go, haha.. Another boring afternoon, thats how this pic was formed. My post for today should be "What Im thankful for this year" anyway, its not yet late, and you're not that distracted right?

 And so here it is, A laptop from my grandma, Spongebob from me, And gigantic birthday card from my churchmates the best gifts ever!!! God really is so good and faihful to me. Words cannot express or define how thankful I am for all the blessings I recieved from Him, Im forever grateful for His goodness to me and my loved ones.

Happy happy New Year to all!!!

Planning World Domination

The Story. From Top Left :

Marya is planning carefully and looking up to the smallest detail on how she will dominate or conquer the world.

 Top right:

With whom? With her niece and guess what our tools in doing so….

Down right:

A laptop. Hair brush. And Hair curler.(lol)

 Down left:

With that hand, Marya will conquer the world not only in literature but your world too.  

BEWARE:

EXTREMELY AND DANGEROUSLY GORGEOUS.

Bliss

There's no reason for me to frown aight? 

Dominoes

Im stucked between wanting and not wanting to write here.. I just finished playing dominos with my grandfather, and he's quite impressed on how I beat him 3 ina row by 3 players and twice on one on one, not bad aight? Well, dominos doesnt need a lot of calculations so I can be good at it. Strategy that is, yeah. I had fun beating granpa though.lol

I ate a lot this Christmas but I dont feel gulity about it, screw diet!!!lol Yum spagetti, yum mechado, yum pancit canton,yumm ham and cheese sandwich with lettuce and mayo, yumm tiramisu and yum buco salad!!! Wee, makes me forget about my 2 week vegetarian diet. Anyway, I only do that once or twice a year, and liquor's not for me, so why not?

This is not the best Christmas ever but it sure was fun, specially with those little kids around.. I love them.  And I thank God for all the beautiful things he has done for me. For a blessed year and another year that is yet to come.

 
(more…)

Greetings to al!!

Merry Christmas!!!! I wish all the people in the world are happy today… And I wish all of them have food to eat, clothes to wear that doesnt necesarily have to be new, coz you know Christmas has become a tradition here in the Philippines that everyone wants to follow, even if they cant afford to buy new clothes and lotsa food. 

Godbless us all! 

Thank you =)

No one knows what a simple message like "You are appreciated" means for some people especially me. And for the past few days I feel extremely sad and empty that message, lighten me up. It made me smile.  It made me feel special and yeah, appreciated.

I remember when I first heard my grandma say  "Thank you" to me for all the things I've done to them, although Im not expecting any recognition at all, when she told me that I felt energized. It feels good to be appreciated. Makes me wanna continue doing all the things I've started and doing.

Thanks Mykl, Im still overmwhelmed by that pic..lol And to all the people I know and knows me, people who never get tired of praying for me. I appreciate all of you. *hug….

Emo

Im feeling extremely and exaggerately sensitive today, one simple thought of this and that, or simply hearing a Christmas song that used to make me smile now left me teary-eyed. I dont know why, I've gone through PMS (pre menstrual syndrome) so I cant blame it, oh there's POST MS. right.

 It feels strange though coz Im not really an emotional person, I use my head more than my heart. But no matter how tough I look, my core is soft thats why I protect it with a hard shell. And when Im this sensitive, just like a friend told me, "Siguradong may pinanggagalingan yan." when I told her that I feel sad today, thats the word I use when I talked with her. 

Yes, there should be an origin, coz I dont like to be called neurotic or something right. I told her that the sadness emanates from deep within that I myself cant figure out. Sure, I'll laugh if I heard something funny, smile if I cant force myself to laugh, and lift the side of my lips if I cant force myself to smile.. But after that, I see myself again staring blankly at my reflection in the mirror. Darn! Look how beautiful I become!lol Now thats a funny one. 

I like to pretend Im ok, but I really cant force myself to be plastic, maybe I can fool other people but not myself. I keep on comforting myself by saying, "hush now, God is listening to you, He sees all your sufferings and softened by your cries. He'll answer all your prayers." Then, I'll smile back to my reflection. Its effective though. Maybe I just miss my family, they had been my soft spot lately, you know.

All those things that happened and we gone through, made me smile and say, hey, we're well, ok, and complete, what more can I ask for? I love my family second to God, they are important to me. They really are.

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry  Christmas to everyone!!! Dont mind me, I'll be ok soon. =)