US

I couldnt ask for more.. I love you so much Jann Carlo.. Mwah! 

Rice

First written 7/8/2006

"RICE"

            One day, I was cooking sarsiado. My brother cooked the rice (he was 10 y/o then) He told me that when the first time he cooked the rice it was perfect and they ate it all. The second time he did, the water is lesser so it's not perfect. The third time which was that time, it was over-watered. He told me:

            "I will never cook rice again."

            He got pissed off. Because he's a perfectionist, I told him:

            Life is like cooking rice. Nothing's permanent, you cannot have the assurance that you get the same rice with the same quality everyday. It has different types. You should learn how to approach different kinds so you would know how to deal with them, so you would not fail. There's a trial and error stage, if you fail when you put less water, failed when you put more water. The next time you cook it, you'll know how to cook it with the right measure of water. There's no reason to give up, just because you failed.

            He answered me with a silence.

            I don’t blame my parents or anyone if we are living in poverty, well, not really. But what freaks me out is the fact that they don’t do anything about it. All they have are words. Just words, that’s what they're good at. I look okay, on the outside but I'm not and that's the truth. Most of my time is spent thinking about what could have been, or what things are like if we are… or what if my mom and dad are… Who knows, they never tried. They gave up already. But who could blame them? They're not mentally and emotionally stable, I can say. They got married at a very young age. What does a 17 y/o girl know about raising a child or cooking or doing household chores or serving her husband? When it is the time when a teenager is starting to have fun and explore herself. Who could blame them? He's the only child; his parents got separated when he was young. Both had gone abroad, each had their own family. He's left with his relatives that only care about the money his father send him. Who could blame them, when there is no one to guide them as they grow up, there is no emotional support. Who could blame them if they only get strength from each other?

            That's why I told myself that I'm not going to be like them. I don't want to blame myself or blame other people because I never tried. I told myself that if ever I will fail it's always worth the try because this is what I wanted all along. I want everyone in this island to know what's happening in real life. In a way that wont scare them, in a way that will make them interested. In a way that they will be in a different world whenever they read my columns

            Writing, music and arts has always been my thing, I can't force myself to love math, I can’t force myself to love medicine, I can't force myself to love history. The same thing with Doctors you can't force them to draw, to dance, to sing, same with lawyers, you can't force them to act (although they are good at it), or to play a guitar. It has always been the interest that motivates a person to excel in everything they do. It's not the money, but the fulfillment. Not the fame but the integrity. Not the salary but the dignity. Not to be known but to be trusted. Not to be sympathize with but to be understood.

            Simple things that my parents don't understand or don't want to understand, I mean who doesn't want to have a better life? Who doesn't want to have a brighter future? It's like "hello? We're in the Philippines!?" A “third world country” It's not as simple as it sounds. In this country they think that if you're successful then you must/should be rich. But for me being successful in the career you want doesn't have to be living in prestige, it’s gotta be more than that. It’s having the peace, fulfillment and happiness that money can’t buy. Being successful means you succeed in reaching your dreams. And don't think that you studied to earn of course it goes along with that. But you studied because you want to have an access to the competitive world. You want to have fun, enjoy your talents.

            So how does this connect with rice? Try cooking some.

When I met you

You gave me a reason for my being

And I love what Im feeling

you gave me a meaning to my life

yes I've gone beyond existing

And It all began

When I met you 

Butterfinger

Ordinary People
-John Legend

Girl(Boy) im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow

This time we'll take it slow

This time we'll take it slow

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel just like walking away
But as our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

 Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe you'll never find
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
You never know baby you and I

 The only thing Im sure of is that I'll be with you till the end and I hope that when things go wrong and when things starts to wobble, we'll hold on and wont let go, coz as long as I have you quin I will have the reason to be strong. I love you so much, my boyfriend, my bestfriend, my prayer partner, my lust, my love, my everything. We'll grow old together and when that time comes we'll still be the "coolest couple"  right?  

You're one of the great blessings I recieved this year. Thanks for understanding and taking the time to get to know me, for taking care of me, for loving me. What more can I ask for? I love you Jann Carlo. 

Beat that!

The beat of the song best describes how happy I am with my life and my love right now. Im satisfied, What more could I asked for?

Teary-eyed

You Are
-Kirk Franklin

Jesus You are my joy within
You are the shelter from the wind
You are the forgiver of my sins
Jesus You are yes
Where can I go?
Who can I call?
Who's there to catch me when I fall
Your hands they hold me through it all
Everything I need You are

Jesus You are my cornerstone
You are my friend when I'm alone
You're the convictor when I'm wrong
Jesus You are yes
You're the peace within my storm
You are the shelter from all harm
I love it when You hold me in Your arms
Everything I need You are

Jesus You are my joy within
You are the shelter from the wind
You're the forgiver of my sins
Jesus You are yes
Where can I go?
Who can I call?
Who's there to catch me when I fall
Your hands they hold me through it all
Everything I need You are

(when I was sick) You are my healer
Thank You Jesus
(when I didn't had a place to stay) You are my shelter
Thank You Jesus
(when I found my self in trouble) You are my laywer
Thank You Jesus
(when my money ran out) You are my provider
Thank You Jesus Thank You Jesus Thank You Jesus

You Are

 Currently: Refecting on things
Mood: Undescribable 

If you’re happy and you know it read my blog :)

Mira, me, jc, mira. We're guarded by 2 mira's

 Me and him, mira me and JC

Bette

 Lark and me

From top left: Mira and me, jC and mira, mira me and jc, jc and me, me and larky, me and bette

That's how my weekend went! From shooting then meeting new friends. Spending time with quin, paid off every hard work I've done on our saturday shoot. I love having him around and it doesnt necessarily have to be seeing him everyday, sure, that would be great. But I still want to him to live his life and enjoy it without feeling resrticted. So.. there.

Fufunfun weekend that was and I'm looking forward for the next time!

Random Thoughts

There was a problem signing into Yahoo! Messenger. Please try again a little bit later. Tomorrow. 

I'm sooo loving Yahoo! Messenger.

I'm so loving hassleness.

I'm so loving to wait in vain.

I'm so loving to stay awake.

I'm so loving dvd's and those who made them.

I'm so loving this day.

I'm so missing you. 

 Wala lang.

 Ever wanted to do something soo badly but it just couldn't work for you? 

"I need patience…"- Maria Mena

 Woohoo-

Shaving Cream

I'm the type of person with a short-term and selective memory maybe because of all the things I've gone through in the past, some of them are bad though I can't really distinguish which is which from this and that. And most of those experiences if not needed became like a dust in the wind. If I want to forget something, trust me to really forget it. 

It has been my escape from all the problems before. I feel like a 26-year-old lady in a body of an 8-year-old child. They always hear unexpected questions from me that never fail to give them a minute or two of a pause to give an answer. The reason varies, some think before answering me because they know I asked it on purpose, that I could use it against them or some think of the benefits if they answer me, it will make them feel good about themselves, the "Ang galing ko!" syndrome and some became confused on where I get that question and for pete's safety's sake, they'll refuse to answer me. 

But I seldom ask questions coz I like to do things and learn things by my own. It is very useful and convinient for me since I dont have to ask questions, I dont have to hear them blabbing about something intrarelated with my question and I dont have to just plain speak. 

My mind has too much storage for questions than the capacity I expect it to have. Problem is that it is so tangled up that I can't figure out a way to say it through the mouth. 

One night, as I was writing our shooting sched and while quin was at his lola's place, his granpa passed away early morning today. He told me, he went upstairs and lay on the bed and reminisce. It was like being warped from present to the past. Me, I don't have much to tell about my childhood since I forgot most of it.

Until he asked me where I grew up.

 The question made me realize I  had been a kid and I missed being one, I asked myself "San nga ba ako lumaki?"  The majority part of my childhood is still a blur for me. I just remember us, my playmates and I running across the streets playing tagu-taguan, patintero, almost all kinds of street games you know except the native games. It was fun.  That part. The dark part still remains a mystery even to me. 

I'm very thankful for having a person like quin around. My stress-reliever, pain-killer, asar-absorber, not all in a blatant way but I notice and appreciate everything. Both seen or unseen and consious or subconsious way. He has become a part of me. How it happened is something I'm trying to figure out until now. 

 As days pass, I am getting to know him more and more and more and in the process of getting to know him I got to know myself too. He made me feel that it's ok to be pissed off sometimes. The "Labas mo lang sakin lahat ng sama ng loob mo" gesture opened me up to him coz I am always known to be a person who can tolerate anything you throw at me, that had made me look like a strong person to others when in fact I was just covering whatever feeling I have inside and let it die by itself. 

(more…)

Tula.

Kabilugan Ng Buwan

Remember this quin? Arranged and poetrified!