Saturday,?

Saturday, May 12, 2007

hmmn.. I thought that this day would be smooth, for me, because my dad washed our 2nd batch of clothes, thanks to my monthly period. haha! For quin, in his job.. For us, in the church… Cold war is over between me and eva, although not yet fully. For me it's over. For the P&W team, though our musicians had a hard time on our practice, it was okay.. But then, here comes another test of my TEMPER/Patience, just before the day ends…

If quin, had this "inis" feeling when he heard of "that" from "that person." I dont know how to react really. Because at this point in time when I almost forgot about it, there it comes reminding me of something I threw out of my mind a long time ago and if that affected quin, it affected me the more. It's like her saying "Remember the duck?"

But that made me realize that as a front liner, people(young people in part.) see me as an example, I'm not perfect and I never see myself as a role model. I may not have the control of their opinions, comments or reactions on the way I behaved, the things I've done before, but I have the control on how I'm going to react on it. Honestly, I want to confront her the moment, quin confronted me about it. But I wont because that's not how matured people react on things like that. Most especially when you know in your heart that you have buried it a long time ago.(I deleted him on my friendster as soon as I got home)

I hate myself last year, before I made a personal choice of following God. But the only comfort I have is the fact that Jesus, took away everything and I'll slap that on the face of the devil who tries to remind me of all the things I've done before. I have nothing against her, I still love her the way I did before. Only I have to be careful with her. 

I dont see any reason why it should be an issue, but what hurts me the most is the more I try to prove that I have changed into a person Im completely not.. nah. I expected that anyway, only not from her. But it was okay because I know whom I serve and why I'm doing all these things for. I know that I am not a pleaser, I am a minister. 

I feel a lot better now, saying all the things I cant say to a person just because no matter how much "it" hurt me, I cant do that to her I cant hurt her feelings and I dont want to be un-blessing to her or to anybody. And I dont think that this is backstabbing, because I didnt say anything bad about her. Not a word. Im just blogging this because I dont want to stand up tomorrow with a needle in my heart. Not tomorrow. Not ever.

 

Marya says:

"Give what you can't get, and it will find its way back to you."

 

Well, let's see..

 

I have to make sure, I dont have anything left in my heart towards her because I dont want that to affect tomorrow's p&w and evangelistic night. *sigh*  So help me Lord.

 

 

P.S.

 Thanks mahal for the pasalubong.. I appreciate it so much, baka masanay ako.. Hehe.. And I think, they(the people whom I shared it with) appreciated it too! Sorry for keeping you for 30 more mins. I just want to spend more time with you before you go home because I missed you soo.. much. alam mo ba yun? hmm..  Mwah mwah! I love you.