Shaving Cream

I'm the type of person with a short-term and selective memory maybe because of all the things I've gone through in the past, some of them are bad though I can't really distinguish which is which from this and that. And most of those experiences if not needed became like a dust in the wind. If I want to forget something, trust me to really forget it. 

It has been my escape from all the problems before. I feel like a 26-year-old lady in a body of an 8-year-old child. They always hear unexpected questions from me that never fail to give them a minute or two of a pause to give an answer. The reason varies, some think before answering me because they know I asked it on purpose, that I could use it against them or some think of the benefits if they answer me, it will make them feel good about themselves, the "Ang galing ko!" syndrome and some became confused on where I get that question and for pete's safety's sake, they'll refuse to answer me. 

But I seldom ask questions coz I like to do things and learn things by my own. It is very useful and convinient for me since I dont have to ask questions, I dont have to hear them blabbing about something intrarelated with my question and I dont have to just plain speak. 

My mind has too much storage for questions than the capacity I expect it to have. Problem is that it is so tangled up that I can't figure out a way to say it through the mouth. 

One night, as I was writing our shooting sched and while quin was at his lola's place, his granpa passed away early morning today. He told me, he went upstairs and lay on the bed and reminisce. It was like being warped from present to the past. Me, I don't have much to tell about my childhood since I forgot most of it.

Until he asked me where I grew up.

 The question made me realize I  had been a kid and I missed being one, I asked myself "San nga ba ako lumaki?"  The majority part of my childhood is still a blur for me. I just remember us, my playmates and I running across the streets playing tagu-taguan, patintero, almost all kinds of street games you know except the native games. It was fun.  That part. The dark part still remains a mystery even to me. 

I'm very thankful for having a person like quin around. My stress-reliever, pain-killer, asar-absorber, not all in a blatant way but I notice and appreciate everything. Both seen or unseen and consious or subconsious way. He has become a part of me. How it happened is something I'm trying to figure out until now. 

 As days pass, I am getting to know him more and more and more and in the process of getting to know him I got to know myself too. He made me feel that it's ok to be pissed off sometimes. The "Labas mo lang sakin lahat ng sama ng loob mo" gesture opened me up to him coz I am always known to be a person who can tolerate anything you throw at me, that had made me look like a strong person to others when in fact I was just covering whatever feeling I have inside and let it die by itself. 

 I can't be more sure of what I feel about him. A part of me says, "Cut the crap and just say I love you! Finish." but I know there has to be a right timing. I dont want to end up spoiling everything by rushing things. Slowly but surely. Straight and not curly. 

 This memory I guess will go in my long-term memory jewelry box. Something worth looking back and remembering.