On A Journey

Looking Back

Thursday, December 21, 2006

They say that "Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay di makararating sa paroroonan" For me, looking back at the past is nonesense, coz it will only make my journey melodramatic, I'll remeber what happened when I was there at blah.. ba ba blah.. And I dont like to be too emotional you know. Im a toughee. Past is past and it should be left behind.

Thats why whenever I look back at the past the first question I ask is "What do I need to learn from this experience?" I think, those memories come back to me coz theres something I needed to learn. Something I need at this very moment and time. Coz you know, I can be hard headed sometimes. I tend to do some things impulsively, so there.

Tonight, I recalled a few past relationships I had. Thats one of the things I dont like to remember, and what it always teaches me is Consistency, I really have a problem with that. Im very unpredictable and that affects my relationships coz Im an introvert, I like doing things alone. And whenever I try to get myself close to anyone, I can do it for just a while but not for long, after a few months I'll go back to the loner and feeling isolated self.

I can get by flirting and cuddling up with someone but I cant go beyond that, say, serious relationship? No. Im not up to that. All of them failed to make me feel secured and who likes the feeling of hanging by a thread? No one. Men go after me *cough* just because they want something out of me. Yeah, my companionship, humor and sweetness. Nothing more.

And besides, I think I deserve someone who sums it all up; someone who can make me feel secured, and at the same time someone far enough to see or be with personally. I dont know about you but thats why Long distance relationship works for me. Coz, I dont want someone I see everyday, please.

If I hurt someone along the way of  finding true happiness with my virtual boyfriend(or not) Im sorry, I really am. Just that I hate the feeling of expecting something and  nothing at the same time. Im tired of it, really tired of  it. 

Posted by marya at 11:11 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

“What do I need to learn with this experience?” ye i think dats true, thats the first thing that should come to our mind whenever we think of sth in the past.

I see excatly where u comin from with ur preference of long-distance relationsips, i think there are quite a few ppl who prefer it that way, so ucan have more time for urself, and also u are much more excited about the few rare meetings u get with ur partner..I definitely do it strengthens a relationship.
At the same time I gotta say,
Yes its everybody’s problems to sustain a (non-long-distance) relationship once its going on for a while…But i tell myself: it is fundamentally wrong to dump sum1 only cuz u get bored and wanna seek a new partner, a new adventure, a new limited time of excitedness which will sooner or later turn into habit, too, anyway. So in this sense thus runnin-away from that is senseless. But ye who knows, perhaps the only face-2-face-every-day-type of relationship we should have is marriage itself. This may sound untrue to some, but not for me.

God Bless U

Posted by Mykl at December 22, 2006, 5:38 pm

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